Legally Married but Not in the Catholic Church?

Catholics who are legally married but haven't been married in the Catholic Church is a phenomenon that has become very common.  The fact that it has become commonplace doesn't make it less detrimental for the spiritual life of Catholics.  A Catholic's ability to practice their faith is restricted when they are married outside of the Catholic Church.   

Why is this an important issue?

The Catholic Church, as you may know, is its own society, one with ancient roots that has formed and informed the wider culture and society for millennia. To grow and maintain continuity, every society has to have certain rules and regulations along with certain rights and responsibilities for its members.  The Holy Catholic Church has a large body of "teachings" that help us distinguish what is in harmony with living authentically as Catholic Christians, and what is not. These teachings can be found in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

The rules and regulations that apply to Catholics and Catholic clergy is the realm of Church Law and Canon Lawyers.  Canon Law, as it is more commonly known, is not arbitrary. It's drawn from Sacred Scripture and the long historical Tradition of the Catholic Church.  

Two Sets of Laws to Follow

In essence, Catholics have to follow two sets of laws, civil law and Divine Church Law.  When these laws are in conflict, we are called as Catholics to give preeminence to Divine Law.  Our status as citizens gives us certain civil rights and civic responsibilities. Belonging to the Family of God and the Catholic Church as Baptized Catholics places us under the laws of God and the Church.  

It is usually a surprise to Catholics to find out that both the Catechism of the Catholic Church and Canon Law (Church Law) have a lot to say about what marriage is and how it can be celebrated by Catholics.  Especially, since it is a Sacrament among the baptized. 

In short, it is a matter of Catholic Church teaching and Canon law, that Catholics need to be married in the Church, to be in "good standing" and full communion. When Catholics simply live together, have a common law marriage, are married civilly, or in other Christian Churches without the proper permissions and or dispensations; they are no longer in full communion with the Catholic Church and are unable to receive the Sacraments, including Holy Communion, Confession, and Anointing of the Sick.

Catholics often find out about their status in the Church when they are invited to be godparents or sponsors for Catholic Baptisms or Confirmations.  Only Catholics in good standing can fulfill these roles. Finding out about their status, often comes as a shock. While the Church has a superabundance of beautiful Catholic teaching about this topic, formal instruction and formation about Catholic marriage is practically non-existent, outside of Catholic marriage preparation. 

Returning to the Sacraments- a Healing Journey

For couples who wish to return to the Sacraments after living in conjugal unions not recognized by the Catholic Church, the journey can be eye-opening and healing.  Eye opening because Catholic teaching on marriage is rich and beautiful.  Healing because it allows Catholics to reconcile with God and the Church and return to full communion and full practice of their Catholic faith. 

Catholics who married outside of the Church and are now seeking marriage in the Church, fall under two categories.  First, there are couples with no previous marriages and no impediments to marry the person they currently live with. Marriage preparation for these couples is pretty much the same as engaged couples who approach the Church for marriage. Second, there are couples who were married previously to another person and the former marriage becomes an impediment to marriage in the Church.  The remedy for this is a Catholic Declaration of Nullity aka an annulment.  Marriage preparation for these couples is normally delayed until a decision is reached by the Metropolitan Tribunal.  It is possible to begin some preliminary marriage preparation with couples in this situation once the annulment case is accepted by the Tribunal and with the clear understanding that the Catholic marriage cannot take place until after the affirmative decision has been reached. 

What is a Convalidation Ceremony?

For some reason, someone, somewhere, some two decades ago, threw out a complicated churchy word out for public consumption that has obscured the truth and beauty of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony and Catholic Marriage in general. The word is convalidation. It was probably a well meaning canon lawyer because it's straight out of the Code of Canon Law.  While convalidation is a real word that denotes a real action in the Church, it's not anything different than the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. The Order for Celebrating Matrimony does not have a special Rite of Convalidation and there is no special or different "convalidation" ceremony.  Couples who are civilly married or married in any kind of ceremony outside of the Catholic Church are preparing for either the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony (between the baptized) or they are preparing for a Wedding Liturgy with the Rite of Matrimony (between a baptized Catholic and an unbaptized person) 

An invitation to embrace Catholic marriage

If you've stayed with me this far, you're probably thinking you want to at least explore your options to get married in the Catholic Church.  Whether you think you need an annulment or not, please know that you are not alone.  Pray about it and when you are ready to take the next step, we're here to walk with you on this new and exciting journey!  Fill out the form below to ​begin!